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The question is not whether there ought to be something to conform to, or whether there ought to be negative consequences in the form of a social mechanism that shames and ostracizes and generally makes those outside the mainstream uncomfortable, but what ought to be the reigning conformity. An instance of such social structure I refer to is gender roles. There will and ought to be gender roles, for they are instrumental to a well-functioning society. And whatever gender roles there are, being an immanent social structure, there will be negative consequences for failure to conform.

I have before made an example of a fat woman, who is on the receiving end of social dissatisfaction since she isn’t fulfilling the role of pretty young thing she’s meant to fulfill. Agree or not, that’s a kind of gender role there will always be.

But there are further examples that can be drawn out, roles which I actually disagree with. These are what might be called “feminized” gender roles, in which the vision of feminism bears on both men and women, leading them towards awkward, uncomfortable, and socially stagnant relations.

The most problematic may be the implicit male role envy which has the effect of tasking women to become more masculine; to be a “strong, independent, career-oriented woman,” and that any deviation from this priority makes the woman a traitor to her kind. Feminism maintains that a woman ought to feel guilt for wanting to take on a traditional gender role, such as being a housewife dedicated to home, hearth, and family. Feminism invokes careerism, insisting that a woman must at all costs make her priority her career, to which the hope of a doting husband and loving children must be sacrificed. To feminism, a woman must treat the family not as the center of her life, but a mere ornament. Feminism has the ironic effect of masculinizing the female gender role.

Then there is the inverse feminization of male gender roles. To “man up” is to choose to marry a slut, which is easily the most undignified, undesirable, and unappetizing proposition a man should never face. A post-Wall spinster used up after riding the cock carousel who will never respect her husband (for choosing to marry her, which is the irony of all things) is not a woman any man with a shred of dignity would choose, of all the other choices, to marry. Men are to demand little if anything from the women in their life; such is the new male gender role engendered by a feminized society.

Of course men prefer to marry virgins; they may say they’re okay with their wife having “been around the block” a few times, if you know what I mean, but when it comes down to it, they really prefer a woman who fits the more traditional mold, about whom they can be chivalrous and have it be rewarded. And women, on the other hand, would prefer such benevolent sexism since it would allow them more contact with their children and to make the best of their family. The feminized gender roles actually leave both sexes worse off; there are fewer marriageable women for men, and there is less opportunity to enter (traditional) marriage for women.

Granted, this isn’t something one is supposed to say. It goes against everything you’ve ever learned since you were a kid; women are supposed to be “strong” and “independent” who only do things for themselves. But that’s exactly why you should be suspicious of it.

The takeaway of this is two things: first, there will be gender roles for which there are negative consequences for failing to conform to, and second, there can persist gender roles which are antithetical to the natural abilities and desires to those involved.